we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
