so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
