Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
