Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm both gender and math confused
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
