I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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