last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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