These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
