I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
