ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
