Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
