and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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