mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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