What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am one with the molecules
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
