Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
