I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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