I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
