don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's the barista slut.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
