this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
