The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
