i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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