At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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