Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
