note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
