I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
