i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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