yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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