I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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