i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im holly from the hills drunk
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
