im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
