Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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