My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
