And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
