My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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