Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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