Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
