So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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