um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
