he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
