The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize