I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
