Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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