i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
