just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
