you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
