Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
