So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
