hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize