I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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