end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would ride that face into the sunset
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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