I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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