Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
