LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize