I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
