I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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