my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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