My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
