I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
