I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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