He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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