I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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