So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
