I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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