Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
