it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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