Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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