I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
