Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
