So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
