Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
