FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
