I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
