dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
