i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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