I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
