I have demons in me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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