I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
