Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And then he peed in my hair
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