Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
