Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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