Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You left your phone here
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