im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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